What You Find When You’re Not Searching

I went to a ‘Singles Bible Study’ at my  church in search of a fine Christian man, but instead, God showed me fellowship.

Let’s talk about modern day dating, where you have unlimited swipes, low standards and easy access. Being a young adult who has recently started her career, I finally felt I was in a stable place in my life to start dating more seriously. Like many of my peers, I tried online dating sites, such as Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid and so forth. Although I met some nice men, we didn’t have any commonalities or shared interests.

I thought to myself, maybe I’m looking in the wrong places. I decided I wanted to meet someone more organically; in a setting that felt natural.

As a young adult Christian woman, what better way to meet a man then at Church? I think Christian women have this preconceived notion that as soon as they encounter a man of God, they feel spiritually compelled that this man is their future husband. Let me be first to tell you, Christian or not, that man is probably not for you.


When invited to a ‘Singles Bible Study’ I was hesitant at first, but I felt it could be an opportunity to meet people and become more involved with my church. I went in with the idea this would be a social event for men and women of the same faith get to know each other and cultivate healthy relationships.

Although I didn’t find Mr. Right, in searching for one thing, I found something entirely different. I found fellowship. I found a support network. I found a group of like-minded individuals who were looking to grow their friendship-circles and strengthen their relationship with Christ.

Reading back through this post, you will notice I use the word “I” a lot. I was trying to find someone. I was signing up for dating sites. I made the decision to meet someone organically.

I was unsuccessful. 

Oftentimes we try to take matters into our own hands. We try to regulate every aspect of our lives, creating boundaries for every situation. Even on dating apps –  we create controls for how far someone lives, the height we prefer and so forth. I was so eagerly trying to take control of the future and find the perfect person I envisioned myself with.

The lesson in this is to learn to let go of those controls. No matter your religion, it is important to create those friendships and fellowships with like-minded people.

In doing this you will find your place. 

You will find your purpose.

And eventually, you will find your person. 





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